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1st April 2005

deadpoet5:19am: Ok this is April 1st, but this is not an April Fools Joke.
Since no one is bringing people in, I'll just make this month's contest for the most poems posted. Most poems posted will get a 6 month LJ paid account to the sn of your choice. Come on people? How much easier can I make it? I'm trying to make this a fun community and I know most of you are poets. What are you waiting for?

11th March 2005

ragdollsymphony9:42pm: I Once Knew
I once knew a girl who was afraid of the world
She spent her whole day thinking twice
They said when they found her no one was around her
and that was the end of her life

We spend night We spend day
All just dreaming away
Of the lives we wish we could have
Instead we sit around
Watching ourselves drown
Knowing full well what could have been

I once knew a boy who never could enjoy
A world outside of his own
He stayed in his cage, building up his rage
Till he killed everyone he'd ever known

We spend night We spend day
All just dreaming away
Of the lives we wish we could have
Instead we sit around
Watching ourselves drown
Knowing full well what could have been

I once knew myself, I was living in hell
I knew there had to be some other way
So I packed all my bags, Took one last drag
And I lived enough to see more of my days

We spend night We spend day
All just dreaming away
Of the lives we wish we could have
Instead we sit around
Watching ourselves drown
Knowing full well what could have been

6th March 2005

deadpoet8:04pm: The winners have been chosen and the award has been given
Congratulations to quinnthevixen who won last month's contest. This month's will be the same. The most poems posted will win a 6 months live journal paid account, and the person who brings the most new members in, (must have each new member post that you brought them here), will also get a 6 months paid Live Journal membership. If one person wins both, as quinnthevixen did, you will get a one year paid Live Journal account.

Thanks to quinnthevixen for her effort.


1st March 2005

deadpoet5:35am: And the winner is,....Quinnthevixen!!
Well, Quinnthevixen, Looks like you won both contests since no one else posted the whole month. You get a year paid membership to Live Journal and all the benefits it brings. I just need to know what account you want to make paid. It can be yours, "Quinnthevixen" or any other one you choose. Let me know. By the way, YOU RULE!

11th February 2005

quinnthevixen7:27pm: A few poems I've been writing as excercises in my creative writing class. Feel free to give me constructive criticism, read them, ignore them, or rip them to shreads. You do not need to look for a deeper meaning in them, because most of them don't have them. I'm just messing around w/ language and imagery, etc.


He steals and shines his penny eyes
glossy and one-dimensional
hands over-flowing with the Midas touch

and always gripping more, jewels drip
between his fingers like liquid, a hot rush.

He smiles with diamond teeth (coal black,)
bites hard, and is hollow
inside his green bones.


It's like bible paper

Fifty and naked in complex positions
she is awkward
related to the ambiguous sex

Kicking his legs up
short cuffed with dust
a Nazi in the last life

(is any amount okay
yeah except if I don't have that amount)

Hair like a fox
and red too

42 across, six letters
clue: As a whore

A young Tommy Lee but softer

If anyone chews gum
they'll be written up

The yellow sweater with money on it
a jacket full of sweet bigotry
cracker, fag, kyke

Boys brittle like sticks
play ball in the street

The children here are suicidal
floating bald and flat
to blue heaven
on a laugh
(like a balloon)


I eat skirt.
The dance depends
on me and you know
I like that.

I used to get press:
I was the first hinge,
the big thing,
the drug of coiled-hair

You think the wheel
made a splash in history?
Well you were never
the bee's knees.
Current Mood: dorky

10th February 2005

deadpoet6:23am: I guess it's time to start promoting this site more
Starting today we'll have a monthly contest. I'll make this month non judgemental. The prize will be a 6 month paid account for the Live journal name of your choice for each of the following categories.

Most poems posted during the the month of February.

The person who brings the most members into this community during the month of February.
(they must mention you for you to get credit!) Please be polite when promoting this community, no spamming allowed, verified spamming will result in disqualification from contest.

I may offer alternate prizes, keep checking back!

If this works and we get a community of people that actually post poems, the contests will get better.

Thanks to all the members who have been posting so far.

Good Luck!

16th January 2005

suicidalluvpoem1:37am: Lies
I lived a thousand kinds of lies
in the green of your eyes
you broke my heart so many times
I never let you see the tears I'd cry.

Captivated by your smile
deceived in the way you whispered my name
I shoul have known we'd never last
in the blink of an eye you've become my past.

I was such a fool
especially when it came to you
so easily I let you suck me
into the tangled web of lies that was you.

You blinded me with your sweet words
too litte too late
I fell in love with you
and all you've left me with
is another broken heart to mend.
Current Mood: artistic

10th January 2005

suicidalluvpoem4:30pm: Haunted
I'm haunted by a smile
that never seemed real
haunted by the green of your eyes
broken inside because you're gone
even though you were never mine.

You were never what I needed
but you were always what I wanted
and now I'm haunted by the fact
that when I had the chance to say "I love you"
I ran the other way.

I built a wall
but you still broke through
now I'm haunted by the pictures of you hanging on my wall
taunting me, reminding me,
that you will never be mine.
Current Mood: contemplative

4th January 2005

suicidalluvpoem4:58pm: Killed By Love
You killed me again last night-
ripped my heart out
without saying a word,
and I could only apologize
for the blood stains left on your shirt.

A recurring nightmare
of the worst kind,
a constant sign
that the love I dream of
will never be mine.

You've stolen away my only escape
in the same way you've stolen my life,
your name is tattoed on my soul
and the tears I cry
resemble the footsteps you've left on my heart.

Death and you have become one in my mind,
you know I love you
and I can't stand to
it's killing me in the same way
that falling in love with you brought my heart back to life.
Current Mood: drained

19th December 2004

suicidalluvpoem7:28pm: some poems...
I Wont...

I won't sleep
so I won't dream
because in the hours
between dusk and dawn
is the time when I miss you the most.

And I won't go
anywhere we've been
becasue being there alone
only makes my memories of you
that much clearer in my mind.

I won't stare at your picture
I'm so sick of crying
I'll burn them into the ashes
of the love we never shared
because you will never care.

I'm starting to forget your face
i wish i could forget your name
i realize now how pointless it is to love you
when you will never love me too.

Used to...

Stinging droplets
of crimson blood
a dirty secret,
a guilty pleasure,
finding peace only through pain.
Not caing much about life
seperated from everything,
I walk alone
but it's alright
I'm used to being
an invisible girl
in an empty world
used to being called
useless and withdrawn
used to being labeled a freak
used to pushing away
used to being forgotten
looked over
used to being nothing
used to being me.


I look at the stars
twinkling across this cold pacific sky
and all I can see
is the green of your eyes.

I stand in the rain
waiting for it to drown away
the memories of your face.

I had no defenses
not when it came to you
but love is most surely blind
because you were blind to me.

I tried so hard
to break down your walls
but I'm just a girl
and I can't do the impossible.

You've been hurt too many times
and love needs trust to survive
nevertheless I'll go on loving you
somehow I'll make you see
that you can't push me away.
Current Mood: dirty

15th December 2004

suicidalluvpoem10:23pm: Some Recent Ones...
Made Of Paper

My heart is made of paper
the hundred-thousand letters written
but never sent to you
the declerations of my love,
words I should have said before you left.

My heart is made of paper
the dozens of photographs
capturing moments in time
that are better forgotten
now that you are gone.

My heart is made of paper
the plane-ticket that took you away
the source of my greatest pain
the reason for all my tears
because it took you from me.

My heart is made of paper
that you have shredded, and burned
paper you have torn into little pieces
and scattered apart
because you are gone.

Seasons Of My Love

Summer nights were the best
when we'd chain smoke marlboro reds
and talk until dawn
about nothing
and everything
when you'd lay beside me
and I could pretend
that I was what you wanted.

Autumn nights became the dearest
those memories remain the clearest
when I'd watch you play your guitar
and try not to let it show
the way my heart jumped
when you'd hug me hello
and smile at me
for no reason at all.

Winter nights are the hardest
now that you are gone,
too far away for me to even see
on the weekends and long holidays
and the December chill freezes my tears
now that my smiles have become as fragile
as the glass holding your picture above my head.


My smile has become as fragile
as the glass of the picture frame
that holds your face
sitting on my desk,
a constant reminder
of the love we never shared.

I break so easily these days
now that you have left this place
and my memories have become as precious
as the rare smiles I brought to your face
last summer when I'd spend my days
just trying to make you laugh.

Tears have become
a constant throughout my day
there is no safe place from you
a ghost of you stands
wherever I go
and I,
who was once as strong as steel,
have become as fragile as glass.
Current Mood: cold

30th November 2004

suicidalluvpoem11:29am: Twin Souls...
I wish that I could take your pain
kill what's broken you inside
so many tears I've cried for you
and I'll cry a million more
if it'll make you hurt
just a little less.

I love you
wheter you want me to or not
I wont deny it
and I wont regret it
you are my heart
and I'll be your strenght.

You keep telling me that I can't love you
that I don't know who you really are
but I see more than you think I do
I know how you think
and how you hurt
because you do it the same way I do.

I feel your pain
I see the scars hidden inside
and I see the heart you try so hard
to hide away from the world.
Current Mood: cold

29th November 2004

suicidalluvpoem10:57am: Haunting Me
You're gone
now I have no reason to come back here
to this place I once called home
to the bittersweet memories
that won't leave me alone.
You're everywhere I go in this town
there's no place safe from you.
I cry in my room
and remember the comfort you once gave.
I sit on the couch in the backyard
and remeber the talks that we'd have there.
My touch my brothers guitar,
and remeber how well you played.
I go to the mall
where we once ran the halls,
and I pass by the graveyard
where we'd walk
and attempt to talk to the spirits
through your ouija board.
It's the memories of you that haunt me now.
Current Mood: sad

22nd November 2004

suicidalluvpoem11:20am: These are definitly not my best, but oh well...

Tears blind my eyes
the result of all your lies
and i wish for strength to break these ties
that so firmly bound our lives.

I wonder how a mother
can just stop loving her children
and how a father can just leave
witout even caring.

I carve my hate out of my skin
a mess of self-destruction
swallowing pill after pill
burning away the memories of a life
that has all but disappeared.


She carves her hate into her skin
a tribute to all of her sins
a silent attemt at crying out
she doesn't realize she should just shout.

She carves her pain into her skin
setting loose the weakness within
still they do not see her tears
they remain ingnorant of her fears.

She carves out all the strife
everything that bonds her to this life
she is so sick of all their lies
so with one final cut she dies.


I love you
I hate you
I want you
but I don't want to.

and haters.
We both know the way it goes
the same old cycle of wanting and despising
the need that I have for you.

A constatn tug of war
in a relationship that doesn't exist
an emotional roller-coaster
that doesn't have an end.
Current Mood: tired

17th November 2004

suicidalluvpoem10:25pm: Old Stuff...
I found a bunch of my of my old poems, and I thought I'd post them to see what you guys thought!

Save Me:

I cut myself
to see if I still bleed
I hurt myself
to see if I can still feel
anything other
than this black emptiness
anything other than this pain.
I'm so lost
there's no one left to save me
I'm living on a black cloud
waiting for the next disaster.
I wish for death
but there is no salvation for me
no chance for happiness
I want what I can never have
and all I have is this cold reality
where everyone is fake
and no one understands me,
where love is just a fantasy
and my eyes are always filled with tears.
All I have are fears
so all I can do
is cut myself to see if I still bleed.


These days are filled with endless sunshine
while my soul is filled with endless night
I've lost all hope
lost all feeling
all I can do is long for release
from this hell
hope for death to free me
from this life of emptiness.
I can't remember
a time when I could still feel
anything but this bleak lack of hope
and all I can do is cry
and wait for the salvation
that I know will never come.


There is no feeling left in me
no happiness or sunshine
no sadness or tears
just this empty pain
that I know will never fade.
There's nothing that matters
and no one who cares
no love in my life
no reason to life.
I yearn for the medicine
that will end my suffering
there's no place for me on this earth
no one who really needs me here
no reason for me to continue to live
nothing but emptiness.


When I dream
I see visions of death
black hearts
bloody roses
my feelings for you are killing me
tearing me apart
from the inside out.
Want nothing more than to be with you
but I know that we will never be
you're blind to everything I am
you'll never see the real me.
You think you're so grown up
but you will never be
still you're the only one I see
and it's going to be the destruction of me.


Nobody sees
and nobody cares to
I hide behind a disguise
never allowing anyone ever
to break through the shield
I've built around my heart.
I'm slowly dieing inside
losing all capability to feel emotion
wishing for peace
wishing for death
wondering when
my suffering will end.
I can fake a smile
and I can fake a laugh
to cover up the hate
that's building inside.
No longer caring,
not sure if I ever did
I slip further and further away
from all I sohould be holding on to.


Does anybody even notice
does anybody even care
about the pain I hold inside
the hurt that's always there?

They all think they know me
but no one really knows
how weak I really am
or how cold my heart is.

I'm losing myself
not caring anymore
livings become nothing more
thank endless days of empty cold.

I'm trying to be strong
trying to find myself
trying to find my place
in this cold world.

In The Past:

Loving you is like a dagger
cutting chunks off of my heart
till theres nothing left of me to give
till theres nothing left of me at all.
I'm becoming frozen inside
caring about nothing anymore
and I know that you're the reason
for everything that I've become.
Silly of me to think
that you could ever care
I should have known better
you're too afraid of what we could have.
Now it's time for me to leave
to get on with my life
to leave the love we could have had
in a closet in the past.


I really love you
despite all efforts not to
I know that I shouldn't do this to myself
I know you'll never care
you're too wrapped up in yourself
to notice anyone else.
Everytime we see each other
it's like World War III
we can never get along
every word ends up a scream
you yell and you bitch
nothing I do is ever good enough for you.
I should just forget about it
move on with my life
it's pointless to love
someone who hates me so.


My heart is sore from the loss of you
and I suppose it always will be
you are gone from my life
and I'm starting to regret that now.
You can't turn back time
to erase eighteen years of pain and tears
you're the one who screwed up
now you have to live with your shame.
You've always blamed me
and I've always believed you
now I see it's you whose wrong
but despite it all I've learned to be strong.
You nearly destroyed my life
and I'll never forgive you for that
but despite all the abuse you gave
I stood beside you all the same.
I regret it now
I shouldn't have given in
now I can only blame myself
as I watch you ruin those I love most.
I can't protect them, thought I've tried
I'm too far away
and I'm starting to realize that to save them
I must first save myself.
It's your fault they're so far gone
that the bright futures they once had ahead
are now just a whisper in the past
and for that I'll always hate you.
Still, I cry, for me and for you
because I'll think of the past
of the mom I once had
not this empty drugged-out shell
but mostly I cry for my brothers
the ones I love most of all.


The road I walk is lonely
paved from fragments of my heart
born from a lifetime of falling rain
of broken hearts and broken dreams.
Life is hard
and I am weak
I'm slowly dieing inside
my capacity to feel is almost gone.
I'm falling away
living in disgrace
nobody loves me
I don't even love myself.
I hide my shame
but I cannot ignore it
they all think they know me
but they don't even see me.
Days become weeks
Weeks fade into months
Months bleed into years
of my repeated sins
and all that remains
is an empty life of falling rain.

Never-Ending Story:

She's falling apart
dieing from a broken heart
crying herself to sleep everynight
all because he won't love her.
He's so cold, so hard,
he won't see what's right before his eyes
he uses his words to make her hurt
he doesn't want her to love him.
Its a classic tale
with a never-ending plot
the girl who loves too much
and the boy who can't love at all.
She's fading, her heart can't take no more
and he grows angrier with every word that falls from her lips.
Once they were friends,
but now that's in the past
because she fell in love with him
and he never wants to love again.

Living Death:

Happiness is my delusion
my smiles are all an illusion
the airs gone stale
and I can feel myself choking.
Anger is my happiest thought
there is no light to my dark
no hope for my despair
I no longer care much about anything.
Living has become my death
my own personal hell
to love and not be loved
is the worst kind of fate.
Daggers cutting into my skin
my favorite fantasy
a black cloud hangs overhead
teardrops pour like rain from my eyes
chained to this black misery

Little Girl:

Death blooms in her head
sadness is all that she has left
no reason to smile, no reason to laugh
she is lost on a broken path.
The all think they know her
but no one really sees
the little girl that lives inside
the lonely soul that cannot find peace.
The little girl whose lost her life
the little girl who cries all night
she cannot sleep, she cannot dream
she finds it hard just to breathe.
She goes through her days broken-hearted
numb inside, not sure why she's still alive
she feels abandoned, she feels unloved
falling from the sky into obilivion.

What Could Have Been:

My eyes bleed tonight
from the wounds you have left on my heart
I know I shouldn't care so much
you were mine in the first place.
Still, my heart breaks
and my soul aches
I sit alone in the dark
weeping with the ghost of what could have been.
The memory of your smile stays with me in my dreams
and I weep and I scream
picking up the phone only to hang it up
wondering why it isn't me you want.
The sun is setting
and my hearts dieing
I wish that we had never met
I'm sick of wondering about what could have been.


My eyes are bleeding
bloody tears tonight
I'm so alone
so full of hate these days.
The seasons are changing
and I'm not caring anymore
wheter I live or die
'cause I know tonight I'm gonna cry.
I'm not sure if I'm still standing
or if I'm drifting closer to the ledge
I'm fading away from you and this life
moving closer to the end of my days.
You promised that you'd always be there
but that was all a lie
and I can't wait no more
for this pain to fade.


I am drifting away
waiting in vain for this pain to fade
waiting to make my escape
from this world, from this heartache.
I keep moving closer to the edge
wondering when I'll be ready to jump
wanting to feel myself fly
wondering if anyone will be there to catch me when I fall.
I'm sick of the lies, sick of the bullshit
that's always falling from your lips
no longer will I be deceived
I can see the hatred in your eyes.
I am fading
my heart is breaking
my soul is bleeding
and I can't breathe.
Everything is wrong
ever since I've been gone
I am falling apart
ready to dive off this ledge.
Current Mood: pensive
suicidalluvpoem8:52pm: Without
Lost in the darkness
hidden in the shadows
waiting for the demons of hte past
for the memories that will not let me rest.
Fighting for release
carving my pain out of my skin
hoping to bleed the misery out
but al I'm left with is more scars.
A black roses who bleeds bloody tears
searching for light
but only finding darkness
falling into a grave of hate
choking on dust and dirt
dead inside
no longer caring
a black pit without emotions.
Current Mood: creative
suicidalluvpoem7:21pm: Illusions of Me
They all look at me
but they will never see
the hate that runs through my veins
the rage that cannot be expained.

My blood bleeds black
my soul is lost in the abyss
nothing is as it seems
behind my black lipsticked smirk
there is nothing but fear.

Scars are burned into my heart
I stand alone in a world of gray
searching for the innocence i never got to have
the childhood that was stolen from me.

My weeping is silent
my pain has no sound
you imagine i'm strong
but its nothing but an illusion
my will to survive was lost long ago.
Current Mood: busy

11th November 2004

suicidalluvpoem10:39am: Death:
My heart is unraveling
bleeding into the earth
my eyes are always crying
my soul has faded away.
Nothing matters anymore
I'm a broken shell
an empty page in a burning book
a black rose in a sea of bloody tears.
All I have are fears and insecurities
a need to be loved
and a need to feel the fire once again
but no one really cares.
I hide all this behind and empty smile
I may seem alive
but my death came long ago.
Current Mood: creative

10th November 2004

suicidalluvpoem1:25am: Suicidal Luv Poem

Loving you is like committing suicide
its a kick in the head
a stab in the gut
a self-inflicted agony on the heart.
Somehow though,
I can't seem to care
and I'll probably die crying
not knowing if you ever cared.
At night I lie bleeding
in my big black bed
you will never love me
and it's your fault I've become what I have.
A masochist of the worst kind,
cutting myself with my favorite knife
a black rose in a river of blood
miserys favorite company.
Current Mood: contemplative

24th September 2004

msjcane10:36am: your head will burst like my heart: after johnson
the light rots and fades in this dank
room where they invented crisis
and fear and taught the light to disappear,
where my best-quality and soft, mottled heart
screams because I'll never et to touch
your scarred hands in a room made obsolete
by lighting scented candles.
Life gets complicated in broken light:
the cars on the freeway dwindle away;
the ideas of reality
creep on empty streets; the dark, now sweetly
preaches to fallen stars -
the sunset lost on shattered eyes,
remembrance and fear... the grip of acutality...

23rd September 2004

msjcane11:32am: after joesph brodsky
I loved you. And my obsession of you (it feels
it's only sane) still pierces me and stains.
Everything's broken into pieces.
I tried to cut myself - using a knife
is not so easy. And the wrist - which one,
the right or left? Memories- not jitters -
kept me from action. Christ - what a disaster!
I obsessed for you with such power - such pain!
May Satan send you other - Yes!
He - capable of many things -
will, citing life, "reinspire the bloodstream fire,
the bone-crushing creeps, which melt the lead
in fillings with desire to touch -"
your face - -i must erase your taste.

17th September 2004

msjcane10:42am: black fronds
swaying branches catch my eye
where i sit -
i spy, i see.

branches awkward ballerinas
fighting to break
from leaden legs

a lone soul
dangling limply
from a broken limb
wishing to fly away

you are a palm
trying always
to break yourself
free of me.

9th September 2004

quinnthevixen4:54pm: Peach Babied Nazi Lady
Choking, bumptious gait,
marching choppily with
scuffs of dust framing
your soldier's uniform,
sneakers licking the ground
with their wiggling toes,
you step-step-step,
pumping arms like
an engine, pistons stabbing.
A robot, legs of machinery
turning gears like elbows,
you bend, break, straighten,
step, crunch, stop, start again.
Unchanging in my livid gaze,
beast with no name, no life to call
your own but what you stamped,
under your shoes,
on the rotting fruit,
our minds (maggoty,)
you unfurl kicking arms and
legs into the sallow air to
yellow and wither, entangle your image
in my thoughts as the pink-garment lady
who goose steps past prison-like
cellar windows in
a moment of carefully
planned weakness.
Current Mood: bitchy

8th September 2004

ragdollsymphony3:12pm: -Fuck You-

All of this time ive been rejected
Fuckin shot up, is my anger unexpected?
Hate talk brings me back the pain
Do all this, but it was all in vain

Fuck you, and fuck them
I wont let my guard down again
Fuck this, fuck everything
Fuck all the passion one night can bring

All this shit im expected to take
All this happyness im expected to fake
That took me so long to see its not real
Now ive got so much coke in me i cant fuckin feel

I hate you, I hate me
I hate every fucking thing that will ever be
But i love this fucking gun and the bullet
And Ill love this fucking trigger when i pull it

Fuck you, and fuck them
I wont let my guard down again
Fuck this, fuck everything
Fuck all the passion one night can bring

Kill me and theyd call it a homocide
Im my own group, now its genocide
Blow my own fucking brains out, and its suicide
So in the end im fucked no matter how i die

Stitch up my neck where i broke the skin
With the rusty fucking nail and broken glass again
Killer fucking instinct killed me away
Destroyed intuition near the dirt where i lay

Fuck you, and fuck them
I wont let my guard down again
Fuck this, fuck everything
Fuck all the passion one night can bring

Breaking the habit or breaking the cycle
Nothings gonna matter with a hole in my skull
Hang me from heaven forever and more
Cause ill never be let through the fucking door

2nd September 2004

ragdollsymphony11:18pm: Proud ... my mom and i have some issues
No task greater then my own
No light brighter then the moon
Im so sorry it didnt last 
Day seems to come so fast
Goodnight but only for a while
Until once again I see your smile
Till then Ill just kill the pain
Ill go to sleep and it will drain
My mother keeps me wide awake
Her fucking screams are always fake
She does it all for the attention
I think shes needs an intervention
Mom Im sorry Im not enough
And Im not worth a damn to love
But if I die for you out loud
Would it ever make you proud
That I was your child...
Its getting darker here tonight
Im just running low on light
Just want to make the hurt go away
Will this ever be okay
When my blood drips in the sink
It all helps me to sit and think
If I my self am such a thorn
Then why the fuck was I ever born
My mother keeps me wide awake
Her fucking screams are always fake
She does it all for the attention
I think shes needs an intervention
Mom Im sorry Im not enough
And Im not worth a damn to love
But if I die for you out loud
Would it ever make you proud
That I was your child...
Im sorry I ruined your chance to be happy
Im sorry all I do is make you mad
Im sorry all you do is hate me
Im sorry I ever made you sad...
but it all was your fault
I didnt have a say at all
so you bring on a full assult
you should have left me in a fucking stall
My mother keeps me wide awake
Her fucking screams are always fake
She does it all for the attention
I think shes needs an intervention
Mom Im sorry Im not enough
And Im not worth a damn to love
But if I die for you out loud
Would it ever make you proud
That I was your child...
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